scythe-bearing chariot

We spent the morning at the Hoggtowne Medieval Faire, wherein I consumed victuals traditional--german chocolate coffee and italian sausage. 
The baby enjoyed watching the acrobats juggle burning things.  Animals too were a cause for spontaneous, gleeful clapping;  the warhorse,  camel and elephant (all denizens of Yorkshire, I'm told).  A great tyme was had by alle.

The February issue of  Innsmouth Free Press is now available featuring new mythos fiction--including a piece by yours truly entitled:

One Dead Eye

The other fine authors include: David Conyers, Danielle Eriksen, Rebecca Nazar, Orrin Grey, and G.W. Thomas.

 IFP is great webzine for fans of Lovecraft fiction that not only want want to read traditional Mythos tales, but also stories set in different times, locations and with protagonists who aren't all the  professors, loners or cops.  Don't worry if you're old school.  Like I said, there are some great traditional tales too.  You can download the PDF here.

For fans and writers of horror fiction there's a great new book on the market:

Writers Workshop Horror

Michael Knost edited this volume of essays by the best writers in the field from Clive Barker to Brian Yount. Plus, you can feel good about yourself just by buying this book.  Not only do you get insights into the craft of writing from the masters themselves, but for a limited time 40% of the purchase price will be donated to the Odyssey Writers' Workshop--a top-notch workshop dedicated to fostering new talent in horror, sci-fi, and fantasy. Just order the book by following this link. 

 

I went to McDonald’s for the first time in a long, long time. Think years. The Quarter Pounder was everything I remembered, in a good way, and I can’t say that I have any regrets, at least not about the QP.

Along with my meal I got a few coupons. Well, well what’s this? Buy a meal get a free McFlurry. Now I’m not entirely stupid, and I knew the intent was for the coupon to be used with the next transaction. But I’m not planning on going back for some time. Think years.

I took a peek back at the counter, and there weren’t any lines. So what the heck. I went back with my coupon and asked the woman at the counter if I could use the coupon with my current meal. I wasn’t going to fuss if the answer was “no,” but it doesn’t hurt to ask. I expected one of two answers: 1) No, the coupon is meant for your next visit. 2) (The less likely answer) Yes, enjoy your gelatinous treat on the McHouse.

The answer I got was "Nyes." The woman at the register politely said the coupon wasn’t valid this visit, but the woman at the register one over said, "Sure, you can do that." She proceeded to fill the order. Like I said, there weren’t any other people around. A minor kerfuffle erupted between the two employees resulting in the manager intervening. He informed me that the first employee was right--the free Mcflurry was intended for my next purchase. But by this time the second employee had finished making the dessert. So there it stood in all its plastic, encapsulated, frozen glory on the metallic casing of the soft-serve machine. The white-handled spoon listed like a waving hand, hailing me from afar. Alas it was not meant to be.

Farewell, sad little treat melting for want of mouth. Farewell, McFlurry. Would that we might be joined. But star-crossed are we. Perhaps we might meet again in a better time, a more amicable place. But here, now, hell hath no McFlurry.

 I guess it's more dog-theme entries for the time being, but now the news is great.  My zombedy (a term I coined-afaik) is online at Dog Oil Press. D.O.P is a webzine dedicated to the darker side of humor, and there are some fun stories--so check 'em out.  My contribution is entitled "Four Reasons Why I'm Getting Rid Of My Zombies, By Me Jon Jacobsen."  I hope you enjoy it.

 
Gainesville has gone to the dogs.

What do the small college town of Gainesville, Fl and the metropolis of Naples, Italy have in common?

Dogs on the loose.

The difference is in Naples the dogs live in Dog World. Whole packs will trot right passed you. They don't care about your melting gelato or your butt. In Dog World there are only other dogs. People have people business; dogs have dog business. Our canine friends loll about Pompeii, baked into the dusty ground, four-footed survivors of the ancient disaster. They dodge traffic (or perhaps it's better to say--traffic dodges them.) They care about finding shade, water, a nice place to poop. They don't care about you. Go on about your touristy business. You are unimportant in Dog World.

In Gainesville the dogs have people business with a capital B. 

Last evening as I was on  a post prandial perambulation, my wife and I came across a boy standing on a car.  Not two seconds later a loose, caramel colored pit-bull came running by. 

"That your dog?" the boy asked from his metallic island.
"No."
"Then watch out, mister.  That thing 'll tear you up."
Fortunately, the dog gave us an indelicate sniff before gamboling off to terrify a group of people in a nearby park. Unfortunately, animal control is closed on Sundays.  The dog's owner, like our retirement funds, was nowhere to be found.

But the fun doesn't stop there.

My neighbor, a thin, white-haired retiree jogs every day with a three-foot long stick.  Why? Well, he was bitten by a loose dog. Once bitten carry a big stick, or so the old saw goes.  He's not the only one. Broom handles, sticks and canes have become the latest must-have fashion accessory for well-accoutered walkers and joggers. Maybe it's a good time to invest in baseball bat companies. Why not start a plant in Gainesville. We could use the work. 

Another neighbor who owns a yip-yip type terrier dog now has to keep her dog inside. Why? A loose dog, roaming the streets attacked her little pooch in his own yard.  The poor guy had rows of stitches along his back. The formerly fiesty little beastie now has to be coaxed out of his house just to sniff his own driveway.

The other day I saw two dogs running around the neighborhood-Yes, they had collars. No, they didn't have owners. At least not in sight.

I wonder why dogs in Italy don't seem to care about people they way dogs do here.  But my immediate concern is who let the dogs out?